RR4TRW ("Road Rules for the Real World") : How to Deal with STRESS

Dealing With Stress
Bob Hewitt

I like the truth. Who here knows who Paul Pierce is? Anyone know his nickname? That’s right- The Truth. Now don’t get me mistaken for a star basketball player like Paul Pierce- I mean, c’mon- I just about kept up you guys during dodge ball at one of this summer’s cookouts. But I will tell you this- if you ask people where I work about me, those that care to admit they know me will tell you one thing- I tell it REAL and I tell what I hope is the truth. No wishy-washy, politically correct nonsense. The truth. And if you go to my myspace page, you will see that the word “truth” is the focal point.

So, when I am given this great privilege to address you guys, I treat it like it’s my last day on earth- that talking to you is the most important thing I could have ever done with my life. And I can tell you truthfully, that’s how Tim feels when he sings and leads worship, how Derek feels when he gives his message, or when Lauren or Matt meet and talk with anyone of you here. That’s why I like to title my messages “Road Rules 4 the Real World.” I like to talk about real life stuff, and maybe give you something you can use today.

So today I want to be real and talk about a real life issue for all us- about dealing with stress. As I say this, some of you say, “Where were you six months ago when I was in the middle of a heavy second semester and finals and all the stuff going on. But, I could talk about this any week and it would be relevant to where you and I live.

On Sunday I was doing media for Celebration Sunday and was talking to a couple of students who don’t come to RISE very often and told them to come tonight because we were going to talk about stress and what the Bible has to say about stress. School’s just been in two months and they go, “My calendar is already full!

Once a year or so, we as a family like to get away. We are blessed to be able to do this every year or so. So, we take the dog to the kennel, stop the mail for a few days, pack up our bags, and go. Just the three of us for about a week or so. Nothing extravagant or fancy- just a chance to get away, rest, kind of recharge our batteries. No agenda. Just to be together. It is always great, even if it rains on us. It is great…until…until we are driving back from the airport….and slowly back into our driveway…and I know what’s behind the front door when I unlock it- about 400 emails, dozens of phone calls, mail stacked high, issues and problems at work where everybody needed something from me, no matter how stupid it was. All of a sudden after about a week or so of rest, there we are- back at it like we never left- spinning out of control with all of the stuff we though we left behind when we boarded our flight to “just get away.”

But in the middle of running to the computer to check emails, to the mailbox to get that stack of mail, to the kennel to go retrieve our retriever, I also know something in the back of my mind- that is, I also know that God understands our stress because He wired us up and He created this playground for us to live in. He knows how to deal with it best. No me.

Here’s some things that stress does to you and me:

1. Stress causes me to be SELF-CENTERED.

Stress forces us just to think about ourselves. We maybe driving along this road called life nice and smoothly, and boom- something hits us when we’re not looking and it throws us off the road. And all we can think of is this- how do I get back on the road? How do I make myself feel better. How do I help myself. This is the epitome of self-centeredness.

Pastor John puts it pretty simply…all of us, now matter how old we are, no matter how much is going on in our lives, no matter how important we think the things we are doing are…as we go through life, we are either just getting out of a crisis, are in a crisis, or about to enter into a crisis.

2. Another result of stress is you have AVERAGE relationships.

Now, we have been talking a lot at RISE and in the flocks about relationships as we just finished up the 40 Days of Community. But when we are stressed out, your ability to care for other people is diminished. You love less and the result is just average relationships.

3. Stress also causes us to look for quick FIXES.

If I cheat here I can take care of this. If I lie here I can take care of this. If I steal this it will solve this problem. We compromise. We look for quick fixes.

But, the biggest thing that stress does, whether you know it or not, is this….

4. Stress causes us to put God ON HOLD.

Some of you in here will make a very conscious choice to go through four years of high school and never do anything for God. You’ll never serve him in any way. If you’re a Christian (and I realize not everybody in here is) God has gifted you, given you a very specific gift to serve the world and to serve the church. Some of you here may say “I'm too busy! I'm too busy for a small group. I'm too busy to do a ministry. I'm too busy to get involved.” But, if that’s your thinking, if that’s your attitude, then I can assure you of one thing- you’ve missed out on one of the greatest blessings in your life. You put God on hold. Stress causes us to do that.


So here are some truths about stress:

In the Real world I will HAVE STRESS.

I am not going to stand up before you and tell you that you can live a life without stress. That’s a lie. You will have stress. As a high school student, as a teenager today you are the most stressed out generation of any other generation in the history of the world.

Do you want to know why your generation is being hit with more stress than any generation before it? Why it’s hitting you more than it hit me, more than it hit my parents or their parents? It’s because the more progressive a society is, the more stressful that society is. We are a very progressive society- what I mean by that is that the world today is consumed with the thought of consuming- what can I have, and how soon can I have it. You guys have things today that puts my generation to shame. Some of that is good, some of that is bad. Teens today have no idea of life without a cell phone. Teens today have no idea of life without text messaging. Teens today have no idea of life without 24/7 internet access. Many teens today have no idea of life without an unlimited credit card, or their own car. Don’t get me wrong- I am not here to chastise you for having these things. It’s everywhere. But, the more progressive you are, the more you have, the more you need to gratify yourself with stuff, the more stressed you are.

If you don’t believe me, talk to any of the students or folks that have gone on the mission trips to Peru. You really want to know the truth behind this…take some time to talk to John Kinsley when he gets back from the Ukraine working with abandoned teens in that country. You can even talk to Tim about what he saw when he went with Kinsley on a missions trip.

These places are not not very progressive and you’re going to see kickback people. When you go to Peru, you’re also going to see famine. You’re going to see yellow hair because of lack of proper nutrition. You’re going to see blown up, emaciated bodies. But when CCC goes to these places, they will also see these little kids in these villages who don’t have toys. They don’t have Xbox and Guitar Hero 3. They don’t have musical instruments. Children are playing games with rocks and sticks, and teens like you are playing soccer with a tin can, and they couldn’t be happier. No video game console to show the red ring of death- no video games for $59.99. No cell phones that have run out of minutes. No second hand cars that have run out of gas, or life.


So here are some action steps to turn stress into peace…Three things to take out of here today. Things to think about. I encourage you to try to apply these to your life so that you don’t waste your time and I don’t waste my breath. I don’t think any of these action steps are easy, to be honest. Peace is not easy. The world outside those front doors does not want you to have peace, especially the internal peace that faith in Jesus Christ will definitely give you.


TAKING ACTION

1. BECOME who God created you to be.

Think about this. I'm not going to spend much time on this but this is a biggie for most high school students.

In Philippians 4 – Paul wrote this from prison “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Here’s a dude not writing from the Hilton by a pool but writing from a jail saying, “I’ve learned to be content.” Why did he have peace? Because he knew whose he was, and he knew who Jesus was. He was a Christian.

Compromise increases stress. Some of you in here, if you haven’t done it already, have been tempted this year in school to compromise to fit in. “If I lower my standards I can fit in with this group.” Most of us spend our entire life trying to be a carbon copy when God created us to be an original masterpiece. God created you to be an original masterpiece. There’s nobody like you. And you spend all this energy and money and time and stress trying to carbon copy other people. You compromise who you are. You compromise your standard. You compromise your values to fit in. You want less stress? Learn to become what God created you to be. What’s more stressful- being who you really are, or all the energy you need to fake who you are. It’s stressful being a phony.

Some of you in here may say “OK, what happens if I don't compromise? Will God still be in control?” I can assure you that God accepts total responsibility for the life that is totally surrendered to him. You don’t have to worry. God cares more about your life than you do. God cares more about your success than you do. God cares more about your future than you do. God cares more about your happiness than you do. God cares more about your relationships than you do. God cares more about your parents than you do. God cares more about your life than you do. And when you learn (and I use the word “learn” because it doesn’t happen over night) to become the person God created you to be your stress is going to go down.

2. Give up control THROUGH PRAYER.

2 Corinthians 1:9: In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.

So, here are your two options when it comes to something that’s stressing you out.

One, I will handle it myself. I can barely dress myself let alone handle the stressors in life. If I do handle it myself what happens. I Worry which results in panic. I don't think I'm alone on that.

The second option is this: God handles it. I don't worry. I replace worry with prayer. I pray and the result of that is peace.

Philippians 4:6-7 says: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Do a little homework this week. Trust me in this. Just try to pray every morning – I'm not going to say for an hour, or for 30 minutes but for three minutes – 21 minutes all week. Start your day by praying. Say, “God, here are some of the things that are stressing me out.” Offer them up to God.

Some of you are thinking, I’ve done that. I’ve prayed and nothing happened. I prayed about my parents divorce and they still got divorced. I prayed that I wouldn’t get abused, and I got abused. I prayed that I wouldn’t a bad grade, and I got a bad grade. I prayed that my girlfriend or boyfriend wouldn’t break up with my, and they broke up with me the very next day. So what’s up with that?!

I want you to know that God heard your prayer. God hears prayer about no more war, about helping little kids who can’t walk because they have MS, about helping family members with cancer, about helping friends and family that have lost their jobs, about people in this room who have prayed, please, don’t let me lose my boyfriend or girlfriend. And I know that there are people in this room that are worried right now about friends and family in harm’s way… I think of xxxxxxxxxx, and all that he has been through with his mom’s health, but how his prayer, and the prayer of his Brothers and Sisters in Christ in this room have hopefully helped him maybe just a little in going through what he has to see. I think of xxxxxxxxxxx, and all the stuff he goes through, and how God has answered his prayers for a life of stability, for a life of true happiness, for a life where he can honor God. I think of xxxxxx, and how tough it must be for xxxxx, but how God continues to bless her with boundless grace. Her strength in facing the unknown truly amazes me. But I know one thing- just ask her, and she will tell you that there is no way on earth she could get through her week knowing her fiancé is in a dangerous place without knowing that Jesus was leading her, not the other way around.

But some of us here don’t think of God in that way. They may think of God as some magic genie that you say, “God, this is what I want,” and He says, “Okay. Let me give that to you!”

In my house when I am alone, I sometimes get on my knees and pray. For me it’s a picture of humility. I say, “God, here’s my day and I'm stressed out with all the things I’ve got to do and all these people that want something from me. There’s not enough time. And would you help me with this situation? And here’s a concern I have and here’s a need I have.” Here’s the key to prayer, and this is the most important thing I can tell you tonight-

When I pray, my situation or my circumstances may not change immediately, BUT I CHANGE. Let me repeat that- When I pray, my situation or my circumstances may not change immediately, BUT I CHANGE.

That’s the miracle of prayer in your life. Not that your girlfriend or boyfriend won’t break up with you. Not that a family member who is sick will get better. Not that all of the sudden there is no more war, and those of us who have family and friends in Iraq or Afganistan will magically re-appear next to us, where they belong. No- the power of prayer is that you change. That’s why in the midst of cruising through life, you and I can have peace far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.

Here’s the last action step:

3. You obey GOD’S WAY.

Some of you are saying, “I would expect you to say that!” Maybe you are saying, what else would a church say? But let me tell you something…When you don’t live the way God intended you to live, you will have unnecessary stress.

For example. If I go outside after tonight and I kill someone, God does not want me to live that way. It’s one of the guidelines He set up in the Bible. If I kill that person, I disobey God’s way and what happens? All of a sudden there is stress. I'm stressed out, then the cops come and throw handcuffs on me and I go to jail and I never see my family, ever. That is a consequence.

Not every consequence is that intense. Last Sunday I did the media for Celebration Sunday. All of us who worked for that great worship experience got to Taunton High at around 7am, unloaded all the equipment, set-up the instruments, the sound, the videos stuff, the powerpoint slides. Everything was going along pretty smoothly. Until we had to get the projectors to work for the screens. James can attest to this, cause without him, there would have been no video testimonies, no lyrics, stuff like that. But there we are, five minutes until worship starts, and we have screens that say “Dell.” No powerpoint. No video. Nada. And I’m at the soundboard in the back freaking out, because I know there are five different worship bands on stage, including Pastor John, who are relying on those lyrics, the sermon outline, all that stuff so that people can meet with God for that hour of worship. So, right at 10am, all systems are go- everything appears to be going smoothly. The laptop is running the projectors, and everything is OK. Until a minute later, when someone must have tripped over one of the power lines, and everything goes black. And then a power surge hits my laptop and it goes down. I can tell you that that was one mightly lonely experience…I have like five people staring at me back at the soundboard- telling me hey, there’s no picture on the screen. And I’m sitting there thinking, Oh really, thank you Captain Obvious. And I’m sweating, I’m shaking, and getting really stressed out. But, at that moment, I realized I was not living life in God’s Way, but my way. So, instead of continuing to freak out and give in, I actually stopped while worship continued around me. I actually prayed with the worship going on around me and without the media. And by God’s grace alone, everything came back up. It was a miracle, a mini one, but a miracle at that.

Isaiah 26:3 says “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Let’s say Whitty is blind. If I let Whitty just wander around the stage tonight, what’s he going to do? He’s going to trip over the monitors, step on Tim’s guitar and get the tar beat out of him later, fall off stage and hurt himself. But what if all I did was just hang out with Whitty, and say “You’re going in the right direction, and Watch out and Step up.” I'm guiding him through and I am all over him and I am directing him. This type of relationship, this type of guidance is keeping Whitty safe. I am reducing the stress in his life. God says “I want to be that for you. I’ll give you perfect peace if you keep your mind on me.”

It’s like being a train on a track. I am the little engine that could. In fact, I'm the bald engine missing two front teeth that could. I'm on this track. And as I'm cruising through life as the little engine that could and I think to myself, “These tracks are so confining. I wish I could jump the track and go into that river.” But the truth is it’s not confining. It’s leading in the right direction. It’s leading to life in Christ!

You know, I would become a Christian even if I didn’t believe in heaven. I would become a Christian just so I could be forgiven, to have a clear conscious. I do believe there is a heaven and my journey of being a Christian for the past few years is a journey to try to live God’s way. I’ve blown it countless times, including today. I have not always been obedient. But I do know if you want to reduce the stress you start here. You obey God.

Today’s November 9, and Target and Walmart are already reminding us that there are “only” about 49 shopping days until Christmas. I can’t stand that. As a new believer, I can tell you that all the commercials and newspapers inserts about buying all this crap because it is Christmas just really aggravates me. Christmas- the birthday of our Risen Lord- reduced to a sale on nerf guns, bad cologne, and disgusting fruit cakes. But, here’s a chance for you- just a month and a half before we celebrate the birth of Christ- 49 days out…would you close the deal with God? Maybe you have been a seeker for years, maybe a month, maybe just tonight. Close the deal. Right now say “God, I want a relationship with you. Would you forgive me of my sins? Let’s get this guilt over with and start living life the way life was intended to be lived.” So, obey God’s way.

If you’re sitting there and you’ve never said yes before, maybe just say in the best way you know how, “God, I want a relationship with you. I'm not looking for religion. I'm looking for a relationship. As much as I understand that Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins and to forgive me of my past and to secure a place for me in heaven. I want that. Forgive me, God. I want a relationship with you.” That’s all it takes. He stands at your heart’s door and knocks. He’s not going to barge his way in. You have to invite him in. Let Him in, and never feel the same way again.

Let’s Pray:

Lord, would you help us to realize that peace is not the absence of conflict, it’s not having everything go our way, it’s not having no deadlines or pressures. Peace is found in you. When we are obedient to your way, you give us a peace we can’t even understand. Some of us have seen this peace in other people. We’ve wondered why in the midst of a crisis they’re able to live of life of peace. Maybe now it becomes a little more clear. God, as these students go to school each day and stress and turmoil and crisis and relationships and conflicts enter in, may some of us in here put these action steps to work in our life that we might obey your way, not the world’s way, not our way.

Thanks God that you love us and you don’t want us to live in a stressed out way, that you do have some answers. Thanks for your love - that you love us not for what we look like or how we dress. That you love us because you created each of us as an original masterpiece, and you want us to call you “Father” and be your children. For that we’re thankful. In the name of Jesus. Amen.