How to be a People-Builder

We love to talk. There are talk shows everywhere on TV. Everybody seems to have something to say. I read recently where the average American has 30 conversations a day and you'll spend 1/5 of your life talking. In one year your conversations will fill 66 books of 800 pages per book. If you're a guy in high school, you speak an average of 7,000 words a day. And if you're a girl in high school, get this...you probaWly speak somewhere around 20,000 words a day.

A couple of weeks ago Derek started this mini-series on the power of those words, and he talked about the sheer power of words. So, guys, 7000 words a day! Girls- 20,000 words a day! Wow – I bet you’d think that somewhere in all those words there are gonna be a couple that are pretty powerful – that will have a huge impact on whoever is listening to you. So tonight, I want to talk a little about how the words we use everyday have the ability to show others around us if we love them or simply don’t love them or don’t care about them.

Last year we did a series on Love, and we talked about 1 Corinthians 13…about how Love is patient, about how love is kind, about how love does not envy, about how it does not boast, it is not proud, isn’t rude. The Cliffnotes or Sparknites version of 1 Corinthians 13 is basically about loving God, and loving others.

I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that the word “love” has no meaning anymore. I mean, in most popular books and magazines and television shows and movies and music, the term “lust” would be more fitting than the word “love.” I mean, today we rarely see the kind of love that Paul describes here – a love that is patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not demanding, not irritable, always hopeful, always enduring, even under the worst circumstances. Surely, if we all loved the way Paul describes in the bible, it would revolutionize neighborhoods, churches, marriages, relationships, and families. This kind of love is God’s kind of love. Friends, this is the kind of love God wants you to show to everyone around you.

You see, love has very little to do with how we feel. For example, I can say I love chocolate chip ice cream, or I love the newest album from Flyleaf, or I love the smell of a new car. But if I am in a relationship with any of you, do you want me to love you like I love the smell of a car. I hope not. I hope you expect more than that. I know that God expects more than that. So love has less to do with our feelings- it has more to do with the decisions and choices we make everyday, and especially…especially the choices we make with the words we use.

In fact, the words we use may not only destroy the people around us...think about this...the words we use often destroy what each of us have.

Imagine a beautiful forest - tall beautiful trees everywhere. Now, imagine that in one minute, that beautiful forest, with those magnificent trees that seem to keep climbing into the sky that you can't even see their tops, the soft soil of the forest's ground, the wonder of the animals and birds and bugs that live in that beautiful forest - up in smoke, completely destroyed instantly with a little tiny match. It only takes a spark to get a fire going.

In 1983 in Australia, one fire overnight destroyed 600 miles of land, villages, and livestock. All from a single match. The bible in James says that your tongue can destroy like that. You can lose it all. A careless camper can destroy an entire national forest overnight. But, but - a careless word can destroy a life overnight. Thousands of lives. Gossip is like fire. It spreads quickly and it wrecks havoc. I wonder how many people in here tonight, because of a careless word have destroyed their relationships with what they thought were best friends, or girl friends, or boyfriends, sisters, brothers, parents – all because of a single word or sentence. Maybe destroyed their own reputation, or the reputation of another, or of their church. The tongue not only has the power to direct where you go, but it also has the power to destroy what you have if you don't learn to control it. Your tongue can be like that single, innocent match that destroyed 600 miles of land, villages, and livestock.

Have you ever met a verbal arsonist? We all know what an arsonist is- the people who set fires on purpose as a crime. But how about a verbal arsonist- the kind of person who uses words that are always inflammatory. How many of you know someone like that? I sure do. In the bible James says that words, like a fire, can burn people because you can burn people with what you say. We all know the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." You guys are in high school, so you probably think that that saying is just for babies. But, it does hurt. Fire and words under control can give tremendous warmth and light, but fire and words out of control can be devastating. It can destroy miles and miles of homes and lands and the lives of people around us.

Think of all the people you interact with each day- friends at school, boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers, school bus drivers, bosses, the people that work in the caf at school, people at RISE708. How can you show love to them? Can you be less irritable, more hopeful, willing to persist through the tough times, more patient, less jealous, more kind? It doesn’t come easy, but true love isn’t easy either.

A couple of weeks ago Derek talked about how powerful words can be. And tonight, I want to talk to you about how to be kind with your words. What does that mean? President Bush wanted a "kinder, gentler nation." But what does it mean to be kind? Kindness is love in action. Love looks for a way of improving somebody else's life. Love through kindness builds people up. So tonight, let’s talk about how to be a People Builder.

Romans 15:2 says "We should consider the good of our neighbor and build up his character." So the question is, How do I build up the people in my life?

This message tonight is for everybody. It doesn’t matter if your 16 or 60, a student or retired, live in a palace, or live on the streets. It’s for all of us – teachers, parents, wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, if you work with other people at a job, and especially, especially, if you go to high school. Because the fact is that all of us have people around us we'd like to build up, that we'd like to bring out the best in. That sounds great doesn’t it? Who here would not like eat lunch on Monday at school with someone who didn’t make you feel good to be around? But many times we just kinda shrug our shoulders because we just don’t know how to do it. So tonight we're going to look at four things you can give people that will build up the best in them. You build people up by kindness, not by criticism. Kindness is giving people what they need, not what they deserve. Jesus gave people four things, the same four things you need to learn to give if you're going to be a people builder, if you're going to bring out the best in their life. And the one thing all four of these have in common is words - the words we use to communicate with each other, the words we use to express our love to others, and sadly, the words people around us use to destroy us.

1. GIVE THEM A PERSONAL CHALLENGE

In Ephesians 4:1, Paul says "here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences."

In that scripture, Paul is urging people to make their life count. He's challenging them. He's saying don't waste your life. Be all that God made you to be. Make your life count. Why? Because we all need a cause, a project, a dream that calls forth the best in our lives. It strengthens us. If Paul was with us here tonight, he would tell you this- brothers and sisters, don’t sit around and waste your life text messaging each other, or using up your cell phone minutes, or sitting around playing video games, or making ungodly comments on facebook or myspace! No, do something that makes your life count, and glorifies God.

This weekend is a big weekend for the New England Patriots. They need to win to have a chance to make the playoffs this year. Now I realize that not everyone in here is a Patriots fan, or even a football fan. But the point is not about football. For many of you in here, you have been kind of spoiled the past few years with Boston’s sports teams. But if you follow the Red Sox, you know they have been in the playoffs 6 of the last 8 years, and have won the world series twice in the past 5 years. If you follow the Celtics, you know that they are the defending NBA champions. And if you follow hockey, you also know that finally, finally, the Bruins have turned it around and are one of the top teams in the NHL. And if you follow the Patriots, you know that they are one of the greatest football team in NFL history- they have won the Superbowl three times since 2001, they have been to the AFC championship game 6 times since 2001, and have won their division 7 times in the past 8 years. But it wasn’t always like that for the Patriots. From 1989 through 1993, the Patriots were the laughing stock of the NFL, and considered one of the worst run teams in all of professional sports.

They were so bad that they couldn’t sell enough tickets to their games at the old Sullivan stadium, which meant that their games were not even on television. That’s a pretty big change from today, when the Pats are on prime time much of the time. So for those five years the Patriots won only 24% of their games. By 1990 they were 1 – 15, kinda like the Detroit Lions this year. Terrible team. Then in 1993 along came a guy named Bill Parcells. He was tough, but he was a people builder. During his brief stay he completely turned the organization around, and in 1994 he was named Coach of the year and the Patriots made the playoffs for the first time since 1986. And two years later, the Patriots went to the super bowl. He turned a loser into a winner, a dynasty. Parcells was a people builder. Not many people know that, because they see him as some sort of football missionary that hops from team to team. But that’s why he continues to be hired- he knows how to bring out the best in people by issuing personal challenges to the players.

We all know that there is more to life than just living for yourself. There must be a cause, a reason, a purpose that I'm here. All of us need somebody in our lives who can inspire us to be what we could be. There are people in your life that God wants to use you to be a people builder for, to bring out their best, to inspire them to be what God knows they could be. Think about this for a minute- does anyone come to mind that is your personal people-builder. Someone that builds you up, no matter how bad things get? It may be a boyfriend or girlfriend, a regular friend, maybe a teacher, maybe a coach, maybe someone on the RISE708 youth team, maybe someone in this sanctuary tonight, and hopefully your parents.

You need people builders. I need people builders. Derek, everyone on the youth team need people builders in our lives. So rather than criticizing the worst in others, we need to start concentrating on how to bring out the best- and this is the best way to love with kindness.

2. GIVE THEM COMPLETE CONFIDENCE

Romans 15:2 says “We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.

We all need confidence. When somebody believes in you, doesn’t that feel good? Why? Because it brings out the best in you. It gives you the courage. "I know you can do it!" Jesus did this with Peter. Peter's name "Petros" meant pebble. Jesus said, "Pebble, you're going to be a rock. But I'm giving you a new name." When Jesus said that to Peter he was anything but a rock. He was Mr. Impulsive, Mr. Foot-in-Mouth. But Jesus said you're going to be a rock. Jesus didn't tell him what he was; He told him what he COULD be -- that's potential, that's building confidence. Whenever you label somebody you reinforce what they are. Folks, the world is full of people that will tell you, your friends and family what they are. You’re Lazy. You’re fat. You’re ugly. You’re dumb. You’re a disappointment. You’re a weirdo. You’re a failure. How about this one- you don’t apply yourself. Argggghhhhhhh!

But, I have great news for each and every one of you here tonight. The best news you could ever imagine. Starting tonight, each and every one of you have a second chance, a chance to break that chain around your neck, break that cycle- Don't tell people what they are, tell them what they could be. Build them up. Instead of catching people doing something wrong, catch someone doing something right, and tell them. Encourage each other. Build each other up- because if we can’t encourage and build each other up here at RISE708, who will. And you can do it with just six simple words- “I know you can do it.”

The fact is we all need encouragement. For the past year or so I have kept an Encouragement file. Every time anybody writes me a note, a card, a letter, an email, or a text message that’s encouraging, I keep it. Even if it's only mildly encouraging, like "Better luck next time!" or "You tried on that sermon, but you spoke way too long and I have no clue what you were getting at, but good try." Anything that's mildly encouraging, I keep it. And on those days when I'm discouraged or down on myself, I get out that Encouragement file and I read through all the letters and notes and emails and text messages over and over. You know why? Because it's encouraging to me to know that at some time in my life, my wife, my son, or Derek or someone on the youth team, or maybe one of you, thought I had some kind of value! We all need encouragement.

There’s this story of a kid who grew up in the projects in Boston. He had nothing. His family had nothing. Winter nights were cold, and there was little food on the table. Days and nights were consumed with thoughts of how to stay out of the cross fire of bullets from rival gangs, or being able to walk to school without being attacked. This kid had no one at home to encourage him. His father had left the home when he was 12. His mother worked two jobs just to be able to pay the rent and try to feed him and his two younger sisters. So it was nothing short of a miracle when he walked on the stage at his college graduation as the class valedictorian. He had performed spectacularly in college, and he gave all the credit to one of his teachers in high school. As he stood before the graduation day crown of over 5000 people, he recalled the the endless days and nights of despair in the housing projects of Boston. The future looked bleak, and he was ready to end it all. He tried to commit suicide several times. But that graduation day, he’s the top student at his college, with a job offer. Why? Because some teacher kept reinforcing his confidence. His voice cracked as he related the story, he said "All those years, I wanted to quit and didn't think I had a future, but someone believed in me more than I did in myself. She wanted me to succeed even more than I did."

Who can you say that about? That you believe in them more than they believe in themselves? That you want them to succeed more than they do? That you love them more than they love themselves? If you want to be a people builder you've got to give people a challenge and then you've got to say, "I know you can do it!" Whether you're working with other students on a class assignment, or you’re trying to support one of your friends going through a tough time, or even trying to encourage your mom or dad, those six words out of your mouth can do more than anything you could imagine - "I know you can do it."

Like I said, the world is addicted to pointing out the negative rather than glorifying the positive. Just watch the news at night. So, it’s not easy to give encouragement. It might feel weird, or embarrassing to do it. So here are some suggestions on giving encouragement:

1. When you encourage people it needs to be real, from the heart and not some kind of phony manipulation.

2. It needs to be regular. Don't be stingy with encouragement. Give it out all the time. Encourage everybody -- the waitress at Friendly’s or Dave’s Diner in Middleboro, your school bus driver, your teachers, your parents, your friends here at RISE708 or at school, maybe even us on the youth team. We stand here, but we need encouragement as much as anyone. I know it’s not easy. The world outside those front doors tells you it’s OK to be rude to others. The world out there tells you its OK to be indifferent, or uncaring. Who cares what that waitress thinks?! Who cares how that person behind the register at Walmart, or next door at Amaro’s feels. So ask yourself this...why can't I break that cycle tonight. The answer is so easy…you can, tonight.

When you look at Jesus, really understand what He was doing, you realize what a radical he was for his time. He was a complete revolutionary. And I know many of us like to think ourselves as being radical. But if you want to be a real radical- a real revolutionary tonight...then let me ask you this - when was the last time you wrote a love note or thank you note to your parents? You may not think too highly of one or both of your parents. But just think how you would make them feel if you wrote them a simple note- “Mom, Dad- I may not always show it, but I appreciate all you do for me.” That’s it. That simple note could be a life-changing experience for them. Teachers always hear about when they're doing a bad job. When was the last time you wrote a note of encouragement to a teacher that's doing a good job? I know you have teachers you feel that way about, a teacher that has encouraged you, or built you up. When was the last time you wrote a note to encourage a friend who's had a major impact in your life? I encourage you to write it down. A note says you took the time to care.

3. BE HONEST WITH OTHERS

We all need honest feedback. Since none of us is perfect, we need people in our lives that say, “get back in line!" We all need people who will lay it out for us, and be honest with us.

Proverbs 27 says: "People learn from one another, just as iron sharpens iron." We bring out the best in each other. "An honest answer is the sign of a true friendship." A real friend will tell you when you're making a mistake. A real friend will level with you. A real friend who loves you tells you that you are wrong when you are wrong. They care enough to confront you, to correct you. They'll lay it on the line. Even when it's painful, they'll tell you the truth. "I think you're off base here. You're wasting your life." They just don't let people waste their life in silence. Prov. 27:6 says "A friend means well even when he hurts you." He's doing it for your benefit.

4. LASTLY, GIVE OTHERS FULL CREDIT

If you want to be a people builder -- bring out the best in the people in your life -- give them full credit. Praise the growth and the changes you see in their lives. The Bible says "Let us have real, warm affection for each other and a willingness to let others have the credit." I have a sign in my office that says , "God can do great things through the person who doesn't care who gets the credit."

How do you guys do on that? How quickly do you share the credit? Usually we like to share the blame but keep the credit. God says the mark of maturity is to accept the blame and share the credit. The exact opposite. Just ask Tim Conrad about the work that goes in to making worship happen for four services every Saturday or Sunday. It takes about 20 different people, all with different responsibilities, to make it all happen. There’s sound, media, performers, worship leaders, child care, greeters, ushers, parking lot attendants, and of course a Pastor with a message. And when you get that many people involved going in so many different directions, negatives are bound to pop up. But if we can’t share the credit and take the blame in CCC’s worship ministry, where can we do it?

When you look at these four things on how to be a People Builder: Give Them a Personal Challenge, Give Them Complete Confidence, Give Them Honest Opinions, and Give them Full Credit – you’re probably saying- ya know Bob, that’s sounds just great, but man, that also sounds like a lot of work. And the answer is, yep, it sure is, and you won't always feel like doing it. Kindness always costs. There's a price tag for being a people builder. It requires time, it requires effort, it requires energy, it may require money, maybe a lack of privacy. It always costs to be kind. Most of all it costs unselfishness. It takes unselfishness to be a people builder. Usually we're so caught up in our own thing we don't have time to build anybody else up. We focus on me, myself, I. I don't care about anybody else; I'm focusing on me. It takes unselfishness. It costs to be kind. The question tonight is- are you willing the pay the price. I am – are you?

But your concern may not be how much work it takes to love with kindness- your question may simply be “Why should I do it?” No one does it for me! Hey, doesn’t the bible talk about treating others as you would like to be treated? If that’s true, why don’t people in my life treat me with kindness, or love?

I don’t know what specific circumstance each of you has with girlfriends, boyfriends, regular friends, or with your parents or guardians at home. But if you are here tonight it tells me that you are willing to be a little different, and break the cycle of hatred and indifference. The bible says "In response to all God has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other." God's been kind to you, so you owe it to others! The Romans, back when the first Christians were forming after Jesus Christ came to earth, used to confuse the word "cristos" with "crestos". Cristos means Christ. Crestos, in Latin, means kindness. But what a great confusion! If anything ought to be synonymous it ought to be kindness and a Christian. Christians ought to be the most kind and loving people in the work force. Christians ought to be the most kind and loving people at school. Christians ought to be the most kind and loving people at the mall. Christians ought to be the most kind and loving people on the internet. And Christians ought to be the most kind and loving people to – other Christians. Let’s take a look:

=> VIDEO

So how do you rate as a people builder? How many people do you know would say that you do this to them? How many of you feel like the person in that video? Then I give you a challenge. I want to give you a new objective for life. Whether you live another year, five years, ten years or a hundred years - I want to challenge you to make as your primary objective of life to be a people builder, not a people-trasher. Someone who encourages, and doesn’t hurt others. Someone who picks up others, instead of beating them when they are already down.

I want everyone here to hear me on this…all of us here, no matter how old we are, how smart we are, how gifted we are, how successful we may think we are- all of us here are broken. Very few of us have had anybody ever build us up like we can start doing as soon as I finish up. But all of us crave to have somebody to help evaluate our life, say this is the direction you ought to go. That's what it means to be kind. You can be a home builder, bodybuilder, a money builder- but none of those things are going to last. But there is something that's going to last for eternity. There is no more worthwhile endeavor in life than to be a people builder.

Let’s pray together:

I don’t pretend to know what’s in your heart tonight. Maybe you have already made the commitment to accept Jesus in your life and know the unconditional love He has for you. Maybe you heard something tonight that’s pulling at your heart, and you’re thinking, yeah, that’s how I want my life to be- a life filled with love with patience, love with kindness.

Will you commit to bringing out the best in people that God has placed in your life and He will place in your life in the days or years ahead? Would you say in your heart, "God, I do want to become a people builder." God has placed people around you that He wants you to build up. Who do you need to write a note to, a note of encouragement?

Who do you need to give more credit to? The kindest thing you can do for somebody is to introduce them to Jesus Christ. Who could you invite to RISE708, which could start them on the road to becoming all they're meant to be. Some of you need to begin your own personal development process. We want to help you to become what God has shaped you to be. Some of you need to say, "Jesus Christ, come into my heart and help me to become what You made me to be." If you've never done that, do that now. Make that your starting decision. "Christ, come into my life and help me to discover what You made me for. I want to know You and follow You." If that’s your decision tonight, I urge you to grab Derek or someone from the youth team to talk about your decision. Do it today. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring.

In Jesus' name. Amen.